shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
