Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
