he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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