i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
