I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony