i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.