It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night