I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
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there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
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Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital