So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud