We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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