My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You are the jesus of drinking
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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