I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
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Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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