Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
