It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him