So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
