i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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