i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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