my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize