When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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