Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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