Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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