you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
