i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.