I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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