so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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