you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just tell him i said nine months
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
