i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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