i was rollin on her like bob the builder
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
