from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
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Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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