sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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