I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He? As in you personified your dick?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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