I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
