So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.