He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
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it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
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Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.