this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
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Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.