I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
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just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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