So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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