i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
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Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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