Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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