Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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