I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize