Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize