he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
