Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
