bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
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Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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