great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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