The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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