so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way