I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.