god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently