Cold hands, warm shart.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.