I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend