What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.