I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.