I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He felt like a one man threesome
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I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
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thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight