why didn't you poke me back
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she looked like the before picture.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
