She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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