so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
