OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
