pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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