he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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