so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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