Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
